#16. Some truths about expat life
It's the best, it's the worst.
This past week I felt an ache in my heart thinking about my nephew.
(Admittedly, I feel this ache a lot more than just this past week.)
My nephew is 3. We FaceTime most weekends. When we are in the same place at the same time, we run around the house and the yard and build train sets and sing songs and watch Paw Patrol and play Monster Ghost (a game we play where we have to hide from the invisible Monster Ghost) and he gets absolutely spoiled by Gigi (my nickname). In short, we love each other a lot and have a ton of fun. I also get to give him back to his parents when he has a tantrum or acts out so that I can retain my title of Fun Aunt Gigi.
Seeing him and the rest of my family whenever I go back to the US is an absolute highlight of my life.
So why do I choose to live so damn far away from them?
First of all, it’s my life, and I have the unique privilege of living my life entirely on my terms. I am fit and healthy. I do not have dependents. I am not married. I am employed. My family is supportive of me living overseas and they do not expect me to live in the US (thanks, in part, to their moving us around throughout my childhood - they get it). Not everyone is so fortunate to have that kind of support, and I do not take it for granted.
I also genuinely LIKE living overseas. I used to wonder if I liked it because it made me special or made me seem more interesting - like was it really my dream to live in a shared flat with a leaking ceiling in East London with a roommate who sometimes made me cry? Um, no. But look! My life is so cool! I’m next to Broadway Market and Victoria Park and I can travel everywhere in Europe so easily! And have you tried SAUSAGE ROLLS? Look how pretty Oxford Street is at Christmas!
I’ve come to realize that living overseas is not necessarily an achievement in its own right - I don’t deserve a medal of bravery for moving from one huge city to another - but there is a certain level of tenacity and resilience (words I would 100% use to describe me) required to live a life abroad.
On the flip side, I can think of many things that would be difficult about returning to America. The second amendment. No universal healthcare. Lack of guaranteed parental leave. So to me, there are challenges no matter where I live, issues I learn to negotiate within my life, and I have the unique opportunity to choose my challenges. My French passport means I can live anywhere in the EU; my US passport affords me the option to return to the US when/if the need or desire arises.
That said, I haven’t lived in the US since 2014, a fact I find rather shocking, and I’m much more familiar with the challenges of living as an expat in France than the challenges of living as an American in America.
It’s still difficult to wrap my head around the fact that I left the US TEN YEARS AGO, but really, what is time?
Although I studied French from age 10 to 22 and have been living in France for over six years, I decided to take an online French class through city hall, starting in the fall and culminating just this past week. Our final exam included a reading comprehension test, a listening comprehension test, an oral argument and a writing test.
The writing test subject? The pluses and minuses of living overseas. Quel cadeau (what a gift) for a class composed entirely of expats. Though this is not exactly what I wrote, these are some cons and pros about living overseas.
A non-exhaustive list of things I have found difficult about being an expat:
Being so damn far away from family
Making French friends - like many places (including the US and the UK), it can be tough to get in with the locals. Once you’re in, you’re in, but gaining access can be tricky…
Navigating the “system” for visas, self-employment, etc., especially early on - now that I’m French and have a work contract, it’s a bit easier (though still not easy by any means)
Tackling the language barrier
Dating (OK, this is also literally everywhere…)
A non-exhaustive list of things I love about being an expat:
Easy access to all of Europe (sometimes with quite cheap airfare)
In addition: More vacation days that I can spend to actually SEE my family
Making friends with people from all over the world and immersing myself in a truly international environment
The marché “system” - I love how you go to the boulangerie for bread, the fromagerie for cheese, the boucherie for meat, the primeur for fruit and veg
Tackling the language barrier (yes, it’s a challenge and also so rewarding to see improvement)
Independence and confidence to steer my life in whichever direction I desire
There are more to add on each of these lists, for sure, but the majority of the time I find that the scale tips more toward loving expat life. That scale could tip in the other direction any time, but until they remain on the other side for a period of time, I will embrace every opportunity that expat life affords me.
And I hope you’ll come visit me sometime.