#13. On going solo
There's no such thing as the perfect time, do the thing you want to do when you want to do it
When I studied abroad in Paris in 2006, I did the same program as a friend from college. I mostly didn’t care what we did, until it came to spring break - I wanted to go to Greece with my whole entire heart, and if no one wanted to go with me, well, I’d go it alone. My friends also wanted to Greece, so we did end up going as a little group and having a blast. I planned it all, from the ferries, to the places to stay, to the bars and clubs. Back in Paris, I relinquished control and let my friends plan just about everything we did. I was a little bit of a pushover, I admit, but also, it was Paris, and nothing we did was ever bad.
Well, except for the boxed wine. That’s still bad.
I can be a bit indecisive, but when I have my heart set on something, I do it. Over the years, I’ve become a lot less of a pushover, but it’s taken me a very long time to get more in tune with what it is that I want to do and then executing it.
I remember the first time I went to a concert alone. It was New York, 2007, and I saw that one of my favorite bands, Rilo Kiley, was coming to play at Webster Hall. I asked a couple of friends if they wanted to join me, but no one knew the band, so I bought a ticket and went. I was so self-conscious about being there alone, but once the music started, I remember feeling so completely free. No one cared that I was alone. Everyone was absorbed in their own experience. And if they did care - well, that was a them problem, and not a me problem. In the years that followed in New York, I continued going to concerts solo, not letting the fact that I didn’t have a plus-one stop me from seeing my favorite bands. Sometimes I’d buy the ticket without asking if anyone else wanted to come.
Since then, I’ve more of less followed that philosophy. No one to visit Broadway Market with me? That’s fine, I’ll walk along the canal and make an afternoon of it. No one to go to South Africa with me? No problem, I’ll take myself. No plus-one included in my wedding invite? Fantastic, an opportunity to make new friends and dance all night. And so on and so on.
Part of the reason why I’ve adopted this mindset is that (believe it or not ;) ) I’ve been single for the majority of my adult life. I’ve had some boyfriends and dated, but for the most part I’ve been single. I’ve cultivated fantastic friendships and a wonderful relationship with myself, but being single most of the time means that I haven’t had a built-in date for events, travel, or splitting bills.
I used to think I’d wait to do some things, like major travel, until I had a partner - how amazing would it be to have all kinds of travel experiences with someone I love?! When I think about that girl and why she thought she had to wait, I feel a bit sad for her.
Just because you don’t have someone to go with, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do what you want to do.
When I moved to London in 2014, I left behind a relationship. While I know that relationship was definitely not my only shot at having a built-in partner for life experiences, the move to London - where I knew next to nobody - forced me out of my comfort zone and into major discomfort. Not only was I going to concerts alone, as I’d done for years already, I was also traveling solo for the very first time (at age 30!), going to plays and musicals alone, and - gasp! - dining out alone.
Turns out, just like at the Rilo Kiley concert, no one freaking cares.
When I think about all the things I would have missed out on if I had waited to have a partner - well, the list would be very long and I would have far fewer stories. I’ve found that when I’m alone, I’m actually more approachable! I made friends in Sri Lanka on a solo trip, I got beers with a new friend in Tel Aviv, I witnessed the most magnificent sunset in Lisbon, I saw To Kill A Mockingbird with Jeff Daniels on Broadway, I saw some of the best art of my life at the Biennale in Venice, I (jokingly) proposed to and interacted with Brett Goldstein, I moved to Paris and became a French citizen.
Talk about full circle. From the girl who did whatever her friends told her to do while studying abroad in Paris in 2006, to forging my own path in Paris and acquiring French citizenship in 2023 - that 2006 Margaret’s mind would be blown.
So go to the comedy show (like I did last night, where I ran into an old friend and chatted with new friends afterward). Have a glass of wine at the bar. Travel to South Africa, or Sri Lanka, or Sweden, or Slovenia. (I’ve actually gone to all of those places solo…) Go to the concert, the play, the museum. Take the pottery class. Move to the new city.
Whoever is lucky enough to end up with me is going to have to accept that I’m an independent person, I treasure my independence, and even if he is a built-in partner to events, travel, and splitting bills, I’m going to need to go do some things on my own.
If it feels right and you want to do it, don’t wait. Go do the things you want to do, see the things you want to see, create your own memories. You never know who you might meet while you’re out living your very best life, but that’s not the point. The point is to love yourself enough to do the things that are important to you. This one life is precious. Life is long, yes, but it’s entirely too short to regret the things we didn’t do.
So go do the damn thing. Do it solo, do it with friends, do it with a partner. But do it. And let me know how it goes.
I know I’ve been away for a while, and I appreciate your patience. Let’s hope we’ll be back to regularly scheduled programming now, so a newsletter every two-ish weeks (or at least once a month). Thanks for being here.
Trois, Deux, Un
Trois favorite recent(ish) photos
Deux recommendations
In February I called my mom. “We’re going to Jordan this year. Let’s book a tour.” She’s a very adept Googler and found G Adventures within minutes. The ratings were great, the price was right, and the dates were perfect, so we booked it. We spent eight days in Jordan and saw so much of the country, from Petra to Wadi Rum to the Red Sea. Our group was amazing, our tour guide was spectacular, and, if you’re traveling solo, they don’t charge you extra. This is hard to come by for tours, so definitely check them out if you’re looking for travel inspiration! There are SO many tours of theirs I want to go on - where would you go?!
Reach out to that person. You know the one. The one who crossed your mind but you couldn’t be asked to send them a text. Send the damn text. Let people know when you' think of them, send them that meme that reminded you of them, text them that old photo you found of the two of you. This is your sign to reach out.
Un thing that made me happy
Even though I did NOT get pre-selected for Taylor Swift Eras Tour tickets in Paris, I did for Lisbon…so assuming I’m able to get tickets next week (send good vibes!), I could be taking a nice little beach holiday to Lisbon (with a side of TS) in May 2024! Anyone care to join me? Heck, I might go even if I don’t get Eras Tour tickets.
Love, love, love this! I went to my first concert alone when I lived in London - Twenty-one Pilots and I had a blast!! I've also had a few experiences solo traveling and also recommend it to everyone, its crazy that so few get to experience it!
Also we are SO CUYTE in that pic!